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Palindrome

by As Gideon Weeps

supported by
Michael Davis
Michael Davis thumbnail
Michael Davis I think, this may be my favorite album, if it isnt its number 2. pound for pound i dont think theres an album I've listened to more, always something new for me to walk away with. this is a stunner Favorite track: sugar coats.
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1.
palindrome, what a way to go I’m walking out with what I came in with I’m empty handed, but my head is full I’ll gauge my growth by these things that I can’t change do you want to get drunk? do you want to dose? do you want to talk for an hour long? do you want to do the things we did before we learned how they could go wrong? do you want to do the things we did before we learned how they could go wrong?
2.
sugar coats 03:19
ankle deep in your reflecting pool you beckon me into the deep end your voice creaks like an old house and you spit the more I dry trapped in my rib cage covered in vain I am not who you said I was you’d be so cold without all your sugar coats I brushed your lips but they felt icicle stiff so if semi-bittersweet isn’t the taste for me I’m going out to find the real thing your logic is sound that I’m blocking out I’ve heard a lot about this now you never want me when I want you you never loved me when I loved you you’d be so cold without all your sugar coats I brushed your lips but they felt icicle stiff so if semi-bittersweet isn’t the taste for me I’m going out to find the real thing
3.
silver spray paint you can’t dance if you can’t talk you can’t paint if you don’t have the right mom “ you can’t talk if you have my dad “ you’re going nowhere if you’re not on the map my blood is free but my plasma’s 40 bucks pay your dues, do what you got to do while we sit back, sit back and relapse don’t come around here looking like that don’t come around here looking like that I’ll lend you the money but I want it right back okay? we got the gold but like watching you dig carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick, your choice the silver lining is around your corpse no more believing the ball is in your court anymore my blood is free but my plasma’s 40 bucks they shove you right below life’s cost where can I buy a last name that fat!? don’t come around here looking like that don’t come around here looking like that I’ll give you the money but I want it right back okay? we got the gold but like watching you dig carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick it’s your choice gatekeepers seeping hate in my sleeping bag your cash calf made milk made mold space heaters praying grace on the fortunate they live up here so we shiver in the cold the silver lining outlines your corpse no more believing the ball is in your court anymore they spray painted all their silver spoons hope the lead gets to your head so soon so soon don’t come around here looking like that I’ll give you the money but I want it right back okay? we got the gold but like watching you dig carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick it’s your choice can’t get what I need penny in my hand don’t you crucify me I can’t afford to live and I can’t afford to die I’m starting to think that that just isn’t right you can’t bleed and I can’t get what I need penny in my hand don’t you crucify me I can’t afford to live and I can’t afford to die tell me if you know what that feels like
4.
I want to be new I just want to move my body and shake my head turn corners over quickly and forget what I’ve said I want to be new I get confused when I stare at the back of stranger’s head I start thinking that I’m becoming them & I want to be new oh when you tell me theres only this moment I’m stuck wondering “what the hell was that before?” I’m hardly ever reminiscing on our bliss just the brisk tea you spit between my lips I want to be new no, no, no, I won’t pay for your groceries I won’t pay for your sweet tooth hell, it feels like a robbery when I can’t pay for your cold too I want to be new I want to be new I want nothing to do with you I want to be new oh when you tell me the time you know that I'm glad that it's passing right by my eyes went further in when I couldn’t get out I spent my money and you stole my money and my weed and then you said it was from you oh that’s just so cute but I won’t pay for you to lose your mind again no I won’t pay for your mushrooms hell, it feels like a robbery when “no” doesn’t mean a thing to you I want to be new I want to be new I want nothing to do with you I want to be new and when you tell me theres only this moment I’m stuck wondering “what the hell was that before?”
5.
why am I so old? when did I get so old? when I wanted nothing to do with you why am I so old? when did I get so old? please tell me that wasn’t me (living my life) “innocence is only lost, never gained you can’t go back in the same way you came the door locks behind your head I heard it click in the washroom when I saw a mouth foaming red back when I was confused for the police and chose to stop a body running naked in the streets over the only crutch that never bruised me now I’ve broken a leg and all my help is out of reach I tried to fill a void instead of thinking about what it means was I too late or was that just meant to be? I let all my love spoil into hate, you see it’s not the past I want to erase, no these memories they they ripples away and divorce themselves from truth so if all of us are just the sum of experience then our bases are rotting and I want to be new “
6.
class of 2016 I gotta start clippin’ cupons got to start clippin’ my own hair got to start clippin’ my nails for work got to start getting hip with my despair I gotta start pushing this rock off me built out of overpriced roofs and meals while I sleep in a hard hard place wondering why I didn’t learn any “useful skills” """" & I told my friends if I stay here we won’t be speaking in a couple years & I told friend s if I move away it’s gonna stay that way "" "" oh why did I waste so much time? oh why did I waste so much time? """" I should tell my dad if I move back I might as well have a heart attack well I’ll tell my mom if I move back then my life just stops " """ I gotta start smokin’ clips only got to start watchin’ only clips got to stop clipping all my mixes got to start mixing songs that are hip I got to start shedding this weight off me I swear it’s like nothing ever leaves this place do I have to know what a mornings like? do I have to think about the things I hate ? oh why waste so much time? oh why did I waste it all? oh why did I waste so much time? oh why did I waste so much time? eating like shit, feeling like shit oh I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t like it right? it’s just that simple, right? eating like shit, feeling like shit oh I could of been learning how to live my life I could be feeling fine if I didn’t waste my time didn’t waste my time didn’t waste my time didn’t waste my t ime oh why did I waste so much time? oh why did I waste it all?
7.
some body 04:15
am I somebody? all is all sewn outward and not within cats cradled, elastic, and accordion made with the intent of tension there is no purpose without separation lets use our pain to get us there ‘cause it’s not wisdom if we never learn I’d not exist had you not seen me there and I’d make no sound without your ears I don’t want to be a weight on any mind no, I don’t want to be a burden on any life am I somebody? am I somebody else? am I somebody else? I folded myself into a chair as you came to sit I just wanted to be as small as I can be but a parasite shrink to scale it sees on a feast on a petri dish and all those words we used you know they grew new meanings until it got to that place where I couldn’t just say “come on, would you just let me sleep!” but you’d not exist had I not seen you there just a part of a crowd, another pair of random eyes could've been anybody could’ve been anybody else could I be anybody? could I be anybody else? it could've been anybody I should've been somebody I could of been someone
8.
I’m snorting lightning off your high school bleachers I’m your typical straight C leacher maybe you’ll find me at your local K-mart down in the K-hole counting sheepish remarks I’ve memorized the alphabet backwards I start with Z and make them run after and no one ever found me after graduation just some pigment for your imagination drink up or drink down, it still gets done every time the sun sets think the moon has won so speak up or speak down, just wag your tongue every way is forward, isn’t that enough? I’m the pitcher of smoke who put the sleep to the bees now daisies are dead and you want to blame me what was I to do but be more idle than my idols? they didn’t teach a wrecking ball to build the Eiffel now I’m catching flak for my back hand lashes “yeah you’re so good at marketing yourself” I took a drag from a race and came out speeding a blind grip up on the voice that I'm leading so drink up or drink down it still gets done every time the sun sets think the moon has won speak up or speak down just wag your tongue every way is forward, isn’t that enough?
9.
borrowed clothes it’s a little colder now than I was expecting have any spare layers to brave the weather? looks like it’s raining now too I only brought t-shirts can we just hang around and keep playing dress up? with all the orphan socks and stray sunglasses we’ll make a wardrobe out of missed connections the lost scarves and then the stow aways our entire attire’s our picture frame “what have you done to my hat?” I threw it away “when did you last see my coat?” I’m sure I don’t know “do you still have my shirt?” I wore it tuesday “what are you doing with yourself?” well I’m living off borrowed clothes I’m living off borrowed clothes I’m living off borrowed clothes
10.
under it 03:32
don't tell me "get over it" you were never under it
11.
come break wintergreen with smoke and life blown into my face and mirror eyes did you only look at me to see yourself? did I hide inside your skin from someone else, someone else? if you’re looking for someone to waste your time go find someone who doesn’t cherish it so blind if you’re looking for someone to waste your mind you’re better off with someone with more supplies, more supplies, more supplies… when you’re gone I’ll scream your name but you know if you came back I’d still have nothing left to say to you did anyone throw that stone after He offered it up? tell me was there another sinless hand? well Hell needs coal, I know, I know, to keep it warm tell me am I any grander than that plan, that plan, that plan… when you’re gone I’ll scream your name but you know if you came back I’d still have nothing left to say to you you taste like spit shine, and sunshine, and moonshine all at once you were never something I drank for the taste and in your sleep you’d utter your distaste for me became my lullaby, this one’s for you this one’s for you. this one’s for you.. this one’s for you… this one’s for you….
12.
palindrome (II) palindrome, what a way we were I’m down the hill, you want me to return heavier hands carve deeper scars so the weights coming off but with a heavier heart you see, I’ve never really seen what you have seen I’ve never really been where you have been but when you explain it I’ll hear your inflections and boy, I believe you, but that’s the best that I can do
13.

about

my final album from my time at SUNY Purchase, it has been fun but not always so this album is a reflection of that.

credits

released June 4, 2016

nich - songs, lyrics, recording/production/mixing, vocals, guitars, bass, synths/keys, arranging, and artwork
jordan tetewsky - violin on palindrome (I)
andy kim, alex aitken, and colin dooman - additional writing and inspiration on sugar coats and wintergreen (this one's for you)

special thanks to calvin for letting me use your acoustic guitar all the time to help write and record this and your fretless guitar for making the song "under it"

special thanks to du YUN for making me put in more work on some of these songs than I was prepared to do

shout out and thanks to all my fans I mean friends including but not excluding j-dog, g-kitty, l-bog, and c-dab, the crew (andy SUNGWOOHOO kim, collin DOOMman, alex aitken) , uh NINA , xoxozozobuh, olysa and spamuwell , and all of my family :- )

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As Gideon Weeps Harrison, New York

not a death metal band sorry

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