Little Life, Little Death

by As Gideon Weeps

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about

Little Life, Little Death

take me back to the layer cake sky
found at the bench at the end of the world
settled blood
had brought us there
from The Great Death
I tried to recreate the peace to lose a piece when
blight blissed me behind blister blue light
it kissed me and I thought "this must be it"
endlessly, not infinite

there were magical hills by concrete reef
there was a rock I could call my home
there was a home I could call my rock
but cuts began to appear, images too sharp
now I walk to find a place with not a single bad memory
and end up in places I can't return to

pumping blood has brought me here
from all your little deaths
that you lived yourself little to die
a death to breathe a breath
that becomes dead to me

waiting to be lead where tragedy seems to lead
has my eyesight just been burnt to light
to find a darker dawn?

not to be confused, or to be confused
every line as much about love as it is about hate
every note as hopeless as it is hopeful
write your words, too personal to relate
during the moments you can't recreate
or would ever want to
and ask
"what did I trace on the wall when I was not awake?"

credits

released 13 January 2015

nich farrell - lyrics, vocals, music, programming, recording
dr. gen tennaka - creative input & additional guitar on tracks 6 & 7
alysa osbourne - artwork

endless thanks to j-dog, gen, alysa, zor, sam, c-dab, kt, my family, anyone who has or will support me, and anyone or anything that has caused an experience that has led me here.

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Track Name: we. belong. together.
lopsided splintering bones
twisting twine into the center
wrinkles time and your face
you've done more than just age

circle scar on my arm
match oval ink for fading friend
a wrist you can’t unlock
scrapes with keys
but never knocks

live in a body, not yours
choose a name and never grow up
I mouth the words upon your lips
“I hope this is all you get”

cry for cysts that don't exist
mark a man and start a martyr
just say once more that you've changed
shed a skin, again baby

your split tongue
fits between
my split lip

perfectly


we



belong




together
Track Name: twenty five eyes
over bridges, underwhelmed
huddled in a mass in a passenger seat
looking through looking glass,
there are only old sights crying new tears
reflecting things that aren’t true
tricking the difference in distance in light
a chemical kicked in skull,
but its effects are just facts
I am just freezing in a car
floating through a beauty I can not care for
I recognize it,
but it has no impact

this isn’t like the last time
where we clung to the gum trees
sucked in by the thick and syrupy maple leaves
seeing how the sun makes the earth bend
the new glimmer in blades of light
makes the world bleed a different way
and even when it set
we still saw brightest in silhouettes

but this time I leave to crawl under my bed
I can’t rest in a restless place
wrapped in a warping world
I shouldn’t of tried to ignore it
broken things sober me
so many lines.. too many lines..

there are twelve on each side
dwell on the center eye
say the phrase until they’ve left the head
curse exhaustion for sunken bed
pen the nonsense in frantic faded ink
less like words, they come up like drinks
and it’s only been a week
one goddamn week
how am I suppose to last another?
what about after that?


old friends you can’t see the change of
and new ones you define
come save me
I’ll thank you for knowing how wrong I can be
offering no answers, rhetoric in silence
standing on the walls
warming them orange
distracts me, soon, a laugh
how quick the mood can change
a single tree ring for the time that has past
laying petrified at our feet
winding within words we learn
so much more than we thought we could
with interest we didn’t know we could muster
in the musty night by circle stones
I count circle scars
and think of oval ink and broken pens
lonely looks for lonely lune
how quick the mood can change

the last time I was here,
besides when I spilt all that water
and seized the term seizure to excuse myself,
It was a night with a similar chill and shade
I saw clenched heads for death
until the mourning, irrational lashes
knowing very well we would never understand
now I’m clenching my chest
hoping for the same conclusion
and for it to be genuine,
but it feels like an intruder
in a house it was invited in

to a decaying land we built iron bridges
the fire just licked it clean, shinier and stubborn
a single band slid down on my finger
as I gently lay it across another
as time finds me a binded wrist
I still say again
“I hope the next year isn’t as tiring as this”

if I know I knew nothing then
is it safe to assume I know nothing now then?

I thought “I’m lost” while looking at the North Star.
Track Name: concrete reef
bottles are clear, glasses to see
handles for grip, I get more free and less neat
fess up,
drain cups,
for there’s nothing you can’t do with wine and conceit

mouth all the ice, to slip of the tongue
secrets aren’t secret when your brain is numb
oh god, is that what it means?
if I swallow the world, will it revolve around me?

I will not quit, I will not stop craving it
I won’t, no I will not cease
I will not cease until theres no more blood in the sea
for that’s how we live out here on concrete reef

I once knew a boy who looked for the shore
he only looked to get to the liquor store
hows that?
followed water to wine
I skipped all the steps
I learned from the best!

more comfortable in lies
safer in other’s skin
unhinge our minds
our minds are unhinged
That’s how we live out here on Concrete Reef.
Track Name: jericho
I should be looking down right now
but stare on into mirages
there’s an ocean wave amongst the dune
when my eyes became dry ice

the sun set six, sun set six
blind faith & blind rage is all so binding
will you blow the ram’s horn tonight
and break all that I built?

if I fell down
would you stop walking around me?
or would you just lay down
and let an end remain an end?

the strongest steel
is always tested
the bravest blood
is always spilt
the safest place
is always hunted
what is it about walls
that makes people
want to break them?

you are a cultured diamond on the ring you’ve walked
will you spare me if I give you a son?
for I was an empty suit of armor
and you need someone to keep you safe

I’ve been confusing vultures for angels
halos for hollows
the heat has been seeping into my head for days
the heat has been getting to my brain
Track Name: this must be it
endless steps to horizon lines
reached the end, but kept my stride
and tried to stand on the point of focus
I lost it all, and I almost didn’t notice
but I had to let it steam
I am a lipid lid
no one thinks that I get angry
if anyone even thinks of me

when you look up, you can’t look down
to see you’re walking on unknown ground
she talked me in, I talked her out
she taught you sin & showed you how
the apple taste so sweet
and you could have it all
but I swear, it just makes you hungry
when you didn’t know you could starve

would you live a tiny life, just to die a tiny death?
would you make yourself so small you’d fit in anything
at all?

my skin was worn until it was thin
then it was torn twice, and again
can’t let you go inside the ruse
so I spoke two doors for you to choose
but it’s been so dark, the lies so light
and my hearts so heavy, you think me spitting spite
but I am no thorn inside a paw
all you see is the base of a pawn
but I just forbade the fruit
saw the hunger in your eyes
I butchered my bed
shit this schism
when I said
“I don’t want you around here
no more”

well would you live a tiny life, just to die a tiny death?
would you make yourself so small you’d fit in anything?

love is so easy to fake
when no one knows what the fuck it is
again, again, I’ll think “this must be it”
and excuse all of your fucking shit
love is so easy to fake
and you don’t know what the fuck it is
again, again, you’ll think “this must be it”
but there is no way it’d start like this
love may not be a easy choice
but it can be a simple trick
and I’ve promised you, this is all it is
so don’t you think “this must be it”
love may not be a easy choice
but it can be a simple trick
no matter how far I look through your eyes
there is now way
I’d ever think
your choice
is
right

love is so easy to fake
when no one what the fuck it is
again, again, I’ll think “this must be it”
and excuse all of your fucking shit
because maybe it all be worth it
nothing is ever perfect
so maybe this is all it is
but there is no way it’d start like this
there is no way it’d start like this…
Track Name: a dream, I can't recall
fold the raven lungs
up into swans
to exhale the doves
still sung a sparrow song
the head will spin again, and again
all the way around
and it thinks
“I can see it all”

wake up too slowly
to remember what would
make it make sense
since I sit on it, until it’s all too cryptic
gradient white
until not even the tar remains
there was never any aviary
there was never any sanctuary
the birds were just blurs
and were not how they seemed
the notes that they’d sing
they’d loop and resonate
but they were never actually heard
all is all a backdrop
with a back
that just drops

rehearse the moments, once again, and again
die in all the dialogue
still brushing the onion skin, again
the eyes start to wade, it begins, again
my sweet green tracer
my beloved eraser
spin my head around again, and again
and I’ll think
“I can see it all”

you only exist
after the facts
a dream, I can’t recall

you only exist
where I’ve been
a dream, I can’t recall