Palindrome

by As Gideon Weeps

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03:32
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about

my final album from my time at SUNY Purchase, it has been fun but not always so this album is a reflection of that.

credits

released June 4, 2016

nich - songs, lyrics, recording/production/mixing, vocals, guitars, bass, synths/keys, arranging, and artwork
jordan tetewsky - violin on palindrome (I)
andy kim, alex aitken, and colin dooman - additional writing and inspiration on sugar coats and wintergreen (this one's for you)

special thanks to calvin for letting me use your acoustic guitar all the time to help write and record this and your fretless guitar for making the song "under it"

special thanks to du YUN for making me put in more work on some of these songs than I was prepared to do

shout out and thanks to all my fans I mean friends including but not excluding j-dog, g-kitty, l-bog, and c-dab, the crew (andy SUNGWOOHOO kim, collin DOOMman, alex aitken) , uh NINA , xoxozozobuh, olysa and spamuwell , and all of my family :- )

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license

all rights reserved

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about

As Gideon Weeps Harrison, New York

not a death metal band sorry

contact / help

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Track Name: palindrome (I)
palindrome, what a way to go
I’m walking out with what I came in with
I’m empty handed, but my head is full
I’ll gauge my growth by these things that I can’t change

do you want to get drunk? do you want to dose?
do you want to talk for an hour long?
do you want to do the things we did
before we learned how they could go wrong?
do you want to do the things we did
before we learned how they could go wrong?
Track Name: sugar coats
ankle deep in your reflecting pool
you beckon me into the deep end
your voice creaks like an old house
and you spit the more I dry

trapped in my rib cage
covered in vain
I am not who you said I was

you’d be so cold without all your sugar coats
I brushed your lips but they felt icicle stiff
so if semi-bittersweet isn’t the taste for me
I’m going out to find the real thing

your logic is sound
that I’m blocking out
I’ve heard a lot about this now
you never want me
when I want you
you never loved me
when I loved you

you’d be so cold without all your sugar coats
I brushed your lips but they felt icicle stiff
so if semi-bittersweet isn’t the taste for me
I’m going out to find the real thing
Track Name: silver spray paint
silver spray paint

you can’t dance if you can’t talk
you can’t paint if you don’t have the right mom
“ you can’t talk if you have my dad “
you’re going nowhere if you’re not on the map

my blood is free but my plasma’s 40 bucks
pay your dues, do what you got to do
while we sit back, sit back and relapse
don’t come around here looking like that

don’t come around here looking like that
I’ll lend you the money but I want it right back okay?
we got the gold but like watching you dig
carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick, your choice

the silver lining is around your corpse
no more believing the ball is in your court anymore

my blood is free but my plasma’s 40 bucks
they shove you right below life’s cost
where can I buy a last name that fat!?
don’t come around here looking like that

don’t come around here looking like that
I’ll give you the money but I want it right back okay?
we got the gold but like watching you dig
carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick it’s your choice

gatekeepers seeping hate in my sleeping bag
your cash calf made milk made mold
space heaters praying grace on the fortunate
they live up here so we shiver in the cold

the silver lining outlines your corpse
no more believing the ball is in your court anymore
they spray painted all their silver spoons
hope the lead gets to your head so soon so soon

don’t come around here looking like that
I’ll give you the money but I want it right back okay?
we got the gold but like watching you dig
carrot in the air chase a dragon or the stick it’s your choice

can’t get what I need
penny in my hand don’t you crucify me
I can’t afford to live and I can’t afford to die
I’m starting to think that that just isn’t right
you can’t bleed
and I can’t get what I need
penny in my hand don’t you crucify me
I can’t afford to live and I can’t afford to die
tell me if you know what that feels like
Track Name: I want to be new!
I want to be new

I just want to move my body and shake my head
turn corners over quickly and forget what I’ve said
I want to be new
I get confused when I stare at the back of stranger’s head
I start thinking that I’m becoming them
& I want to be new

oh when you tell me theres only this moment
I’m stuck wondering
“what the hell was that before?”

I’m hardly ever reminiscing on our bliss
just the brisk tea you spit between my lips
I want to be new
no, no, no,
I won’t pay for your groceries
I won’t pay for your sweet tooth
hell, it feels like a robbery
when I can’t pay for your cold too

I want to be new
I want to be new
I want nothing to do with you
I want to be new

oh when you tell me the time
you know that I'm glad that it's passing
right by my eyes

went further in when I couldn’t get out
I spent my money and you
stole my money and my weed
and then you said it was from you
oh that’s just so cute

but I won’t pay for you to lose your mind again
no I won’t pay for your mushrooms
hell, it feels like a robbery
when “no” doesn’t mean a thing to you

I want to be new
I want to be new
I want nothing to do with you
I want to be new

and when you tell me theres only this moment
I’m stuck wondering
“what the hell was that before?”
Track Name: when did I get so old?
why am I so old?
when did I get so old?
when I wanted nothing to do with you
why am I so old?
when did I get so old?
please tell me that wasn’t me
(living my life)

“innocence is only lost, never gained
you can’t go back in the same way you came
the door locks behind your head
I heard it click in the washroom
when I saw a mouth foaming red
back when I was confused for the police
and chose to stop a body running naked in the streets
over the only crutch that never bruised me
now I’ve broken a leg and all my help is out of reach
I tried to fill a void instead of thinking about what it means
was I too late or was that just meant to be?
I let all my love spoil into hate, you see
it’s not the past I want to erase, no
these memories they they ripples away
and divorce themselves from truth
so if all of us are just the sum of experience
then our bases are rotting
and I want to be new “
Track Name: class of 2016
class of 2016

I gotta start clippin’ cupons
got to start clippin’ my own hair
got to start clippin’ my nails for work
got to start getting hip with my despair
I gotta start pushing this rock off me
built out of overpriced roofs and meals
while I sleep in a hard hard place
wondering why I didn’t learn any “useful skills”

"""" & I told my friends
if I stay here we won’t be speaking in a couple years
& I told friend s
if I move away it’s gonna stay that way "" ""

oh why did I waste so much time?
oh why did I waste so much time?

"""" I should tell my dad
if I move back I might as well have a heart attack
well I’ll tell my mom
if I move back then my life just stops " """

I gotta start smokin’ clips only
got to start watchin’ only clips
got to stop clipping all my mixes
got to start mixing songs that are hip
I got to start shedding this weight off me
I swear it’s like nothing ever leaves this place
do I have to know what a mornings like?
do I have to think about the things I hate ?
oh why
waste so much time?
oh why did I waste it all?
oh why did I waste so much time?
oh why did I waste so much time?

eating like shit, feeling like shit
oh I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t like it right?
it’s just that simple, right?
eating like shit, feeling like shit
oh I could of been learning how to live my life
I could be feeling fine
if I didn’t waste my time didn’t waste my time
didn’t waste my time didn’t waste my t ime
oh why did I waste so much time?
oh why did I waste it all?
Track Name: some body
am I somebody?

all is all sewn outward and not within
cats cradled, elastic, and accordion
made with the intent of tension
there is no purpose without separation
lets use our pain to get us there
‘cause it’s not wisdom if we never learn

I’d not exist had you not seen me there
and I’d make no sound without your ears
I don’t want to be a weight on any mind
no, I don’t want to be a burden on any life

am I somebody?
am I somebody else?
am I somebody else?

I folded myself into a chair as you came to sit
I just wanted to be as small as I can be
but a parasite shrink to scale
it sees on a feast on a petri dish
and all those words we used
you know they grew new meanings
until it got to that place where I couldn’t just say
“come on, would you just let me sleep!”

but you’d not exist had I not seen you there
just a part of a crowd, another pair of random eyes
could've been anybody
could’ve been anybody else
could I be anybody?
could I be anybody else?
it could've been anybody
I should've been somebody

I could of been someone
Track Name: drink up, drink down
I’m snorting lightning off your high school bleachers
I’m your typical straight C leacher
maybe you’ll find me at your local K-mart
down in the K-hole counting sheepish remarks
I’ve memorized the alphabet backwards
I start with Z and make them run after
and no one ever found me after graduation
just some pigment for your imagination

drink up or drink down, it still gets done
every time the sun sets think the moon has won
so speak up or speak down, just wag your tongue
every way is forward, isn’t that enough?

I’m the pitcher of smoke who put the sleep to the bees
now daisies are dead and you want to blame me
what was I to do but be more idle than my idols?
they didn’t teach a wrecking ball to build the Eiffel
now I’m catching flak for my back hand lashes
“yeah you’re so good at marketing yourself”
I took a drag from a race and came out speeding
a blind grip up on the voice that I'm leading

so drink up or drink down it still gets done
every time the sun sets think the moon has won
speak up or speak down just wag your tongue
every way is forward, isn’t that enough?
Track Name: borrowed clothes
borrowed clothes

it’s a little colder now
than I was expecting
have any spare layers
to brave the weather?
looks like it’s raining now too
I only brought t-shirts
can we just hang around
and keep playing dress up?

with all the orphan socks and stray sunglasses
we’ll make a wardrobe out of missed connections
the lost scarves and then the stow aways
our entire attire’s our picture frame

“what have you done to my hat?”
I threw it away
“when did you last see my coat?”
I’m sure I don’t know
“do you still have my shirt?”
I wore it tuesday
“what are you doing with yourself?”
well I’m living off borrowed clothes
I’m living off borrowed clothes
I’m living off borrowed clothes
Track Name: under it
don't tell me "get over it"
you were never under it
Track Name: wintergreen (this one's for you)
come break wintergreen with smoke and life
blown into my face and mirror eyes
did you only look at me to see yourself?
did I hide inside your skin from someone else, someone else?

if you’re looking for someone to waste your time
go find someone who doesn’t cherish it so blind
if you’re looking for someone to waste your mind
you’re better off with someone with more supplies, more supplies, more supplies…

when you’re gone I’ll scream your name
but you know if you came back
I’d still have nothing left to say to you

did anyone throw that stone after He offered it up?
tell me was there another sinless hand?
well Hell needs coal, I know, I know, to keep it warm
tell me am I any grander than that plan, that plan, that plan…

when you’re gone I’ll scream your name
but you know if you came back
I’d still have nothing left to say to you

you taste like spit shine, and sunshine, and moonshine all at once
you were never something I drank for the taste
and in your sleep you’d utter your distaste for me
became my lullaby, this one’s for you
this one’s for you.
this one’s for you..
this one’s for you…
this one’s for you….
Track Name: palindrome (II)
palindrome (II)

palindrome, what a way we were
I’m down the hill, you want me to return
heavier hands carve deeper scars
so the weights coming off but with a heavier heart

you see,
I’ve never really seen
what you have seen
I’ve never really been
where you have been
but when you explain it
I’ll hear your inflections
and boy, I believe you,
but that’s the best that I can do